In my daughter's eyes
by lily'sdaughterlucy
Summary: gaia's just been born. tom's hiding something. genres and rating are very loose and i hope they fit in future chapters...
1. in my daughter's eyes

In My Daughter's Eyes  
  
I look down at my daughter and smile...it's all I can do. Cause she's smiling back too. It's supposed to be impossible for a baby who is only a few days old let alone minutes old to smile...but she is. She's looking at me. With her big blue eyes. Her short blonde hair. She's beautiful. She's gonna be a heart breaker. Just like I was. She looks up at me with almost no fear. She looks like she sizing me up. I put down my pencil and run my fingers over her soft cheek. She giggles and rubs her face against my open hand. She's amazing. She's perfect. She's our Gaia. My Gaia. I love this thing that I'm holding in my arms more than anyone on this earth. More than my parents. More than I did Oliver. More than I do Katia. I love her more than Katia. And I thought that'd never be possible. You truly are Katia's daughter, Gaia. It was love at first sight. For both of you. She closes her eyes slowly as she yawns deeply. I chuckle. You're special. You know that. And don't let anyone take that away from you. You're going to change this world. She opens her eyes and I swear...  
  
In my daughter's eyes I am a hero  
  
I am strong and wise and I know no fear  
  
But the truth is plain to see  
  
She was sent to rescue me  
  
I see who I want to be  
  
In my daughter's eyes.  
  
In my daughter's eyes everyone is equal  
  
Darkness turns to light. The world is at peace  
  
This miracle God gave to me gives me  
  
strength when I am weak  
  
I find reason to believe  
  
In my daughter's eyes.  
  
And when she wraps her hand  
  
around my finger  
  
Oh it puts a smile in my heart  
  
Everything becomes a little clearer  
  
I realise what life is all about  
  
It's hangin' on when your heart has had enough  
  
It's giving more when you feel like giving up  
  
I've seen the light  
  
It's in my daughter's eyes  
  
In my daughter's eyes I can see the future  
  
A reflection of who I am and what will be  
  
Though she'll grow and someday leave  
  
Maybe raise a family  
  
When I'm gone I hope you see how happy  
  
she made me  
  
For I'll be there  
  
In my daughter's eyes  
  
Katia put down her pencil and looked up once more. Everything Tom had said and written in the last few days told her all she had ever wanted to know. Gaia was now a month old and Tom still found it hard to leave her. Tom dropped whatever he was doing when he heard Gaia make the slightest grumble. And it's normally because she's bored. He loves her so much. Gaia only cries now when she needs me. She doesn't cry when I leave the room. She doesn't cry when I'm late to give her a feed. Its like she's not scared that I might leave her. That I won't leave her right when she needs me. Tom had started a journal the day he found out I was going to have Gaia. And he's written in it almost everyday. Apart from the day that the letter came about two months ago. He left for a week. I still don't know where he went. He said he'd tell me soon. I asked again but it he still wouldn't tell me. I'm trying not to think about it but...how can I not... Now Gaia's here, he can't not tell me. But I'll try not to think about it. I won't. I wrote the song after reading Tom's journal. He doesn't mind me reading it. He says there shouldn't be anything that isn't told. Nothing that one another doesn't know about the other. I've told him about my past. He's helped me see it wasn't my fault. He's my best friend. No one else could do that for you. No, actually. Let me correct myself. He's not my best friend. He's my sole mate. I know it and believe it with all my heart. I never used to believe in the idea of one person matching perfectly with the other. But I do now. Especially now Gaia is here. She is what our love is. Pure beauty and absolute fearlessness.  
Even if he is keeping things from me...  
  
***~ Hello peeps! Just a little author's note: I don't own fearless.... Wish I did but hey...the song was originally sung by Martina McBride...dunno who she is but I saw it and felt it went with the books This is my first fearless fan fiction. I just thought this song was really appropriate for the books. Please review and stuff... Do you think I should continue? Thank you! Luv Lucy-Ann Xox ~*** 


	2. in my husband's eyes

In my husband's eyes  
  
As I watch my husband, I realise, this is it. This is my life. He is my life. If weren't for him I don't know what I'd do. He's the one who gave me my beautiful Gaia, asleep peacefully between us. And she wouldn't be here if it weren't for Tom's undying support. And I love him for that. Everything would be different if I hadn't met him. But why do I feel that all he can think about is Gaia. He's fallen asleep watching her. That doesn't mean anything. I know it doesn't. But recently he hasn't looked at me the way he used to. He just looks at me with a glazed look. He hasn't touched me for months. Not like when we first met. It feels like he doesn't love me any more. His words feel so empty. I've hidden my journal. He can't see what I've written. And I won't lie to myself. But I should trust him. But he's changed. Something's happened. Something to do with that damn letter. But he will tell me. He has to tell me. But I don't know.  
  
~*~  
  
As you lay there, Are you thinking about everything? Everything that you did not do. Everything that could have been. And at night when you sleep, Do you dream I would be there, Just for a minute or two?  
  
I know that you love me. But that doesn't mean You'll catch me when I fall. Can you see me floating in your head? Cause saying, "I love you" Has nothing to do With meaning it at all.  
  
Do you remember, The way we used to melt. Do you remember how it felt? When I touched you, Cause I still remember it oh so well. But that night all I saw, Was unshameful hate in your eyes.  
  
I know you're still there. Watching me. Wanting me. I can feel you pull me down. I won't let you pull me down. This is my life. And I'm spending it how I want to, Fearing you loving me.  
  
I've seen love. It kills you and now, Watching you, loving you, I'm starting to realise, That this is what will kill me. Your love will kill me. But I can't stop loving you.  
  
This is me. Can't you see? I'm still the same. I haven't changed. I still love you the same as I did before. My love will hold forever true. But you may not can see.  
  
As you lay there, Are you thinking about everything? Everything that you did not do. Everything that could have been. And at night when you sleep, Do you dream I would be there? Loving you? ~*~  
  
The mist cleared and he could now see clearly he was here. He hadn't seen him since that night. He smiled at him. 'How dare he,' Tom thought to himself. 'How dare he be even happy with the misery he's put us through.' Those cold blue eyes.  
"Hello Tom."  
Tom's cheeks felt wet. He looked up but there were no rain clouds. How strange.  
He opened his eyes.  
Everything was blurred.  
He felt warm. So warm.  
He didn't want to wake up. He knew he had been asleep. He had had the same dream every night since. However, Tom knew the beautiful feeling had to end. Whatever the time was. He blinked hard and opened his eyes wide. He saw instantly two figures next to him. And smiled. His eyes first focused on his daughter. His love. His world. There was no word to describe her. He had to use them all. She lay on her back and gurgled softly. Her small hands scrunched up under her chin. Then Tom looked up and saw Katia. She was also asleep. She took his breath away. She was a vision of pure beauty. Her dark hair fell loosely over the pillow. Her hand resting on her journal. The pencil had fallen to the bed. He had to touch to her. He had to be closer to her. He slowly lifted his heavy arm and slowly pushed himself up, trying not to wake his two angels. He moved round the bed and crouched at her side. Slowly, he slipped the journal from underneath Katia's hand. And just as he was about to close it, he noticed some of the words she had written.  
  
Your love will kill me.  
  
He sat and read the words, letting them filter through his eyes. He turned back pages and found more entries that he hadn't seen. Some dated to a few weeks before Gaia was born. Tom couldn't explain all the thoughts that were running through his head. Why was she saying these things?  
Then Tom's eyes fell upon the second to last entry written in her soft, flowing Russian hand:  
  
~After my father, well I was not a person that trusted people very easily. It took a lot for me to trust them. But with Tom, I trusted him from the first moment I saw him in the shop. From the first moment I looked into those warm, ice blue eyes. I felt at ease. I knew I was going to love him more than anyone on this earth was capable of. And even if he hadn't wanted anything to do with me I would have wished him a happy life. And only love can make you be happy that your special person is happy with someone else. But Tom loved me. He loves me. Well, now that is questionable. He hasn't looked at me right since that day. He won't look at me very much at all. I don't think I can handle his rejection. My father taught me one thing I will always remember: 'Love is an intoxicating, poisonous, thing that everyone craves for. Everyone wants it and needs it. You will do anything for love. It is human nature. There are many more teachings on love but the one I live by is that's it's better to have loved & lost than never to have loved at all. So always remember, men are never worth your tears, but tears will fall. I know. But always know the love between a father and his daughter is unbreakable.' This one saying has affected my life in ways unimaginable. I will never trust a father. I thought I could change. My father tried to suppress my life so I would follow in his footsteps and do only the things he wished. But would not. My mother helped me in that decision and forfeited her life in the process. After her death I never spoke to my father again. I haven't seen him since. But I know he's watching me. Trying to make me forgive him. I heard a rumour that he had been killed but my father would never let a simple thing like death stop him. He's out there. And his insane love for me is starting to kill me. This is what is making me worry for Gaia. What if it is the same for her? What if Tom become so obsessed over her that he will restrict her from a normal life? I do not want to let Gaia live the same life, as I have had to live. I will die, just like my mother to make sure that never happens. That is why I. this is why I must. Oh I am obsessing now. I shall stop~  
  
***~  
  
Hello peeps! Just a little author's note: I don't own fearless.. Wish I did but hey.the strange song lyrics was originally from Maroon 5, through with you. And I added my own lines to make it more suitable.not that it rhymes or anything. The page is in blocks. I'm trying to get it to get into blocks.it better do. I'm getting well angry.rite if it comes out in blocks then yay! If you don't understand, say in a review and I will email the story to you. This is my first fearless fan fiction.  
  
Next chapter: Tom confronts Katia. Katia confronts Tom.  
  
Please review and stuff. Do you think I should continue?  
  
Replies:  
  
DrummerGirl76: thank you very much. I haven't heard any of her songs but I guessed, as the lyrics were good. Sharky86: thank you to you too.and you'll have to find out what's happening with Tow. However a lot is given away in this chapter.  
  
Thank you! Luv Lucy-Ann Xox ~*** 


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